I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
