i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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