there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my being single is dangerous.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.