Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.