I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀