Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
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just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.