like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
