You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
