she kept yelling 'call me bella'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
