Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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