Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
