It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize