Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
