I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
