"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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