I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
