If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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