found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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