True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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