if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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