It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
