I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
