Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I had to cum in my sink.
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