At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
