Do you still have your period?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
