I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
