Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize