Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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