We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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