His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My dick has a subreddit
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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