think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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