she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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