Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
