Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.