Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
