so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄