Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.

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(330): View more from Ohio

She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(920): View more from Wisconsin

dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

(1-920): View more from Wisconsin

no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

(920): View more from Wisconsin

he wasn't. neither were you.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.

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(315): View more from New York

They're like penises that have been put in a blender.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.

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