I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.