and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.