My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
