3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
