It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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