LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
