guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
