My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
