I bet he comes in French.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
