just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
