Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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