I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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