She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
