I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Boobs are out for the taking
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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