Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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