Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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