...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
