And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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