The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
