If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
