i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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