Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Found your dick twin last night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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