Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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