I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
