I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
