If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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