Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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