she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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