It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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