covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
