wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
