i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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