Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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