Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
