i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize
