Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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