What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
