Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
