I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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