I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
