I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They took my balls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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