I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My life is pants optional.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
