I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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