I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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