I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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