dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
